it’s okay.

October 15, 2009

this morning i woke up to get the dressing changed on my graft site (which happens to be right underneath my flap incision…also in need of gauze and tape). my incision line is splitting. it’s not bleeding, but scar tissue is visible. common sense told my parents and i splitting incision lines weren’t good, so we took a few photos and sent them to my surgeon. i laid in bed all day waiting to hear back from him, worried i would split in two. i did absolutely nothing all day. well, i watched cory and topanga get married on youtube, but i did nothing. turns out, when someone gets this much of a nip and tuck, splitting incision lines are normal…a part of the healing process.

crazy isn’t it? somehow, the exact opposite of what i thought was healing for my body…is okay.

two days from now marks one month since the accident. i’m not really sure where i am. some days i am great. some days i am not. some days i’m going to wake up feeling pulled together. some days i’m going to feel ripped apart. i’ve come to learn that nothing in this healing process is certain. i went through a groin flap procedure and all i have to show for it is a splitting scar on my body. however, because the flap failed, i may gain more function in my hand. i have no idea how splitting equals healing. we’ll see.

sometimes the exact opposite of what we think we need…is okay.


4 Responses to “it’s okay.”

  1. Crystal M. said

    I just wanted to let you know that I think you are the bravest young women I have ever had the priviledge of knowing (I use that term loosely because we don’t know each other super well… just sat next to each other in chorale and shared dark chocolate and laughs.). Your story is going to reach so many people out in this world… and it’s so awesome to see God at work. Miss you girl!
    -Crystal Miles
    P.S. I didn’t know how great of a songwriter you are… your music in a word… healing.

  2. Alyson M said

    You are beautiful and I’m going to call you this weekend. Oh and God is certain. He’s there, and I wish I could be there to put my arms around you and give you a HUGE BEAR HUG, and a kiss on the cheek. It sucks, this you being away so far. Really it does. What can I do? Would you like a detailed summary of everthing going on in our SLA group? I’m gonna write it RIGHT now on FB. It’s waiting in your inbox. Keep on truckin’ girl. Your doing great. Remember that it’s OK that you are resting. I know you feel like this time is such a waste and that you should be back at school and everything, but God uses everything for HIS purpose, and in HIS timing. I love you sooo much and look up to you! 🙂

    much love
    -ALyson M

  3. Roxanna said

    I love you Kristen. I will keep praying for you and am amazed at how strong and brave you are. God is so amazing for giving all this strength to you!

  4. samlark said

    i check this frequently, but i’ve never felt as compelled to comment as i did when i read the boy meets world reference. being able to write a deeply reflective post while including the fantastic little anecdote of a boy meets world reference? that’s the kwright i know. i know it seems odd, and i know it’s such a samish observation, but nothing has assured me that you are indeed healing like a familiar kwright reflection. you’re a fighter, woman. keep that forward motion rolling, and know that even when you’re not sure that everything’s going to be aokay, *i’m* sure everything’s going to be aokay.
    because you’re doing great. and i’m so proud of you.

    love love love

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